Wednesday, January 24, 2007

My past & My 2007

Some people come into our lives and quickly go…
Some people become friends & stay for a while…
Leaving beautiful footprints on our hearts…
& we are never quite the same, because we have made a good friend!!
Yesterday is history,
Tomorrow a mystery
Today is a gift
That's why it's called present!
Don't remember to remember me BUT remember I remember you.
Stupidity is an endowment, brain is an embellishment & cleverness is unwanted. (It sounded funny when we were teenagers)
These are some of the lines I found in my dairies since 1997 up to 2006. I brought all my dairies from Amman last week. I consider them my treasure. I couldn't part anymore with them. It's my history. I was reading what I've written long ago and remember things that took place during those past years. And I forgot all about them. It was interesting to go though those pages and relive those moments all over again.

Some were childish stuff and songs I liked, drawings and dates I used to know by heart. Other pages were some memories I wrote when I was a rebel and considered myself "too rational to be a teenage girl".

Between those pages I found poems I wrote that expressed my state of mind at that time. I found that I was struggling too hard to know who I was and what I wanted. Surprisingly, today I'm almost someone else who achieved personal goals, though still working on my personality and skills, with all those years, the situations I've been through, the stages I crossed, the cities I lived in, the books I read and many more, deep inside of me I found that little girl still alive and still searching for the answers to those questions "who I'm I?" & "what I want?"

Last month I finished "the Alchemist" in the hope I would know how to follow my dreams to become what I want. Yet here I am writing without knowing where this will lead, hoping to know myself better.

Who I am? What do I want?
The problem is I’m distracted here and there in the name of Talent. Obviously I tend to have artistic characteristics that made my parents aware that they need to provide me with all that needed to develop my talents. I took violin classes since I was 6 years old. Yet I haven't mastered the skills to play professionally on this instrument. In the same musical areas I sang since I was 6 as I was a student at the Music and Ballet School . I recorded songs for children and had some shown on TV. It was fun. Even when I got to college, other friends and I started a band. We had two concerts at the university. Then I was selected to sing & record a song for a Free-smoking environment. I would love to make a band someday but where to find members?

I also took art classes when I was very little and enrolled in many artistic events and exhibitions. Painting, sculpturing and made several ceramic pieces, but I'm not a professional.

Literature, oh literature. I've been reading books and admired writers and wished to write. I ended up with a BA in English literature but I'm not teaching nor using this degree. Though I write bits and pieces, poems and short stories but as if I'm writing to myself. I feel I still lack techniques, let alone linguistic competence. Through out the years I was studying I've pictured myself teaching poetry and drama but I don't find myself contributing to achieve that goal.

We have a proverb in Arabic that says "one with seven skills but whose luck is lost"
I don't know if I lack confidence about what I do or is it boredom & laziness that keeps me jumping from one thing to another.

I'm looking at "My life list to do". First was living healthy, then followed by career goals, degrees I want to obtain, places I want to visit, languages I want to speak, self-challenging stuff, books I want to read, sports to master, and many more other things. To sum it all it consists of 95 things to do, including getting married, have children and own my own house & car*.

I look at the list and there's nothing I want to miss. Reading it after all those years I found out why I'm feeling down these days. Why I'm upset about myself. I wanted to accomplish many things, I expected too much from myself and I have done almost nothing.

From today I'll set a dead line to each group of the 95 things. I'll put those goals in priority order to know where to start from and go ahead to achieve as much as I can. 2007 will be my year of "First time to do…" & "Achievements" (in shaa Allah)

Stuff I like about 2006

• I became an MBA student (which introduced me to a whole new world)
• I worked and knew how does it feel to have your own salary
• My eldest sister got married. (The wedding was WOW & I met many family members and friends I haven't seen for years)
• Still Praying
• Read the Qura'an twice (about to finish the third time but it's a new year:( )
• I traveled all by myself between two countries. (UAE & Jordan)
• I saw Morbid Smile & her mom and sis after three years
• I met the Iraqi bloggers & their friends + Mel.( I'm not in the habit of meeting strangers)
• I saw my three little cousins for the first time. (they live in Germany )
• I went back to the university I graduated from and found my name still on the board with the list of "honoree students" & found out that I was the fourth Top student in the Hashemite Kingdom of Jordanian in a qualification test. wow
• I bought my first digital cam & MP3-flash player with my own money
• My art work was selected to be displayed in exhibitions
• I found my-nursery-school-best friend (wondering why I didn't take his mobile number or at least give him mine?)
• Went to Petra , the Dead See & Ram valley (by that we'll cross 2 things form the list)
• Read books: Victims of a Map, Portrait in Sepia, The Da Vinci Code, The Richest Man in Babylon, Voices in Summer, Harlequin, The Alchemist, (still reading: The 7 habits of highly effective people, Chicken soup series, The Penguin Book of English short stories + the books for MBA)
• Went to Sharjah Natural Museum
• Went to Hussam Al Rassam 's concert (an Iraqi pop singer-wow)
• Went to many picnics and visited places in UAE (khor fakkan: one of the places we've heard about in a famous Syrian series Jameel & Hanaa. It wasn't something big)
• Still a blogger & made new online-friends
• Ate pumpkin-ravioli in an Italian restaurant (I do not recommend it)
• Last month while I was staying with my sisters in Amman , the electricity went off for technical reasons, my grandfather was there. It was a cold night and we all sat around the gasoline heater. That night we sang for a couple of hours, remembering old days of Baghdad , or "nights", during no electricity times.

* I took driving lessons when I was 18 but my sister had an accident and I stopped the lessons. She continues to drive up to now.

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Blogger David said...

Attawie, you are very talented, and in many different ways! I really like the poem under the post title! The part about friendship is very touching. I have always thought that among the greatest of my treasures are the few really good friends that I have made in my life. :)

You may have seven (or more) skills, but I don't think that your luck is lost. Still, it is very hard to be great at many things. I know of a similar saying, "Jack of all trades, master of none". In some ways, I have had that problem in my life. Many things interested me, so it was very hard to concentrate on being good at just one thing.

I think that you are taking some positive steps forward. It is good to make a list of goals and put them in order of importance. It sounds like you had a lot of good things happen in 2006. I hope that 2007 will be even better for you!

I really like the head that you made! It looks so realistic! Is it modeled after someone that you know? Why do you think that your ceramic basket is ugly? I think it is a nice basket, and it reminds me of some antique baskets that I have seen. It sort of looks like it is made of candy to me. :) Is the top of the mountain that you are standing on near The Dead Sea? It reminds me of pictures I have seen from there.

Of all your posts that I have read, I think that I enjoyed this one the most. Thanks for sharing it! :)

1/24/2007 9:47 PM  
Blogger programmer craig said...

Attawie, your "ugly ceramic" looked very good to me. Maybe it's the imperfections I find appealing, or something... dunno... but I'd definitely be using that :)

1/25/2007 9:18 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I also love the work of Paulo Coelho!!!! Do you know that he has a newsletter?
You can also go to his blog and comment with other readers your
it's simply wonderful!
Best wishes!

1/25/2007 12:05 PM  
Blogger Konfused Kid said...

"But where to find members?"


Ma Lazim. :P

1/27/2007 5:29 AM  
Blogger Michomeme said...

hi Attawie how are you? and how is your familly ? i miss you all so much..i liked this post so much

take care

1/27/2007 4:04 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

That's why we have to struggle. The slogan of life is struggle to achieve and struggle to accomplish.
You should not be disappointed for yourself. This is the process of learning in life that leads us at the end to a rich package of experiences. These ones push us to make modification and correct mistakes that we go through all our life from the beginning until to the stage that collect that experiences. Sometimes, it is too late because we do not have the strength to go for because of a desease or life turbulance. For this reason we start orienting our children and people in their beginnig of life. Or we start from scratch and we make a new turn in our life.
You accomplish a lot comparring to others. One advice to avoid being disappointed. Look at people that are very talented but they are leaving under war, look at orphans and say thank to Allah that I achieve this. But that does not mean that you have to give up. Life is not smooth if it is smooth we will not be able to enjoy it.
As you said, you have to plan your life first. Write down all your dreams on a piece of paper than make a pipeline of the most important to the least one then put the target time. This one should be accomplished in one year, this one in two years and son on. Keep your eyes on this plan every month and make report as you are a project manager. But in the same time, keep in mind that there are risks (high & low)in order to avoid any miscontentment.
I wish you all the best Attawie. it is enough that you have a such wonderful mom. Stick to her because she is doing the best of her best for you and your sisters.
I think you know me now who am I?

Good luck and keep on..

1/30/2007 2:19 PM  
Blogger attawie said...

Dear readers,
Maybe I wasn't clear with the first few line "These are some of the lines I found in my dairies…" the first poem is from a friend and I don't know the author.

It's true that when we make friends even if for a short time, we are never the same. I have many friends, though they are in different countries now, but I treasure this friendship.

About the head, I started with nothing in my mind. I just put the clay and started to play. Then a nose cam and it was nice then I decided to make a head. This is my first sculpture and it took me about three or four lectures to finish it. Some friends told me he looks like my dad. In the exhibition some Arab girls cam to me and asked me if he was an Iraqi poet!
The mountain in the photo is next to Petra but it almost the same nature or the land.

Programmer craig,
About the ugly ceramic basket. It was my first work in ceramic and it looked nice after baking it but the thing I didn't know was that after glazing the colours won't be the same. That's why it looks nothing like the colours I used.

You remind me of a poem "Delight in disorder"

Asrt Hilal,
I like Paulo Coelho so much and I read about his site and some of his interviews but never heard about his blog. That would be interesting.
Thanks for sharing and welcome to Attawie's blog

I think a band needs more that vocalist and a guitarist, let's say like base guitar and a drummer. What do you think?
And it would be great to have Nabil, though he's in Baghdad. About you and me starting a band, wouldn't it be hard especially we're both in different countries? Shall we start our rehearsals online? Or telepathically? : P

Thank you and yes I think I know you.

1/30/2007 3:53 PM  
Blogger attawie said...

Oh and not to forget,
I miss you and your family so much. I read your post and I wonder "what a simple language you use" I thought I should start writing Arabic too.

I hope you'll be fine to spend Morbido's first birthday without her there.
take care

1/30/2007 3:56 PM  

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