Wednesday, March 22, 2006

Freedom Lost its Meaning

Three years passed and I still feel we (are still in that year) never passed 2003. Non-stoppable days run and I am still in 2003. The year when the war started and did not end yet, adding to this war the other war that lies inside of me. I might not be able to fight to liberate my homeland but I fight in my mind. I am confused. I don't know why I'm away from my country. My friends in Baghdad tell me to thank God I left. I left and I am alive except I don't know what a kind of life I'm living. No friends, no real family, nothing but loneliness with an enormous desire to go back. A desire to know at least when I will be going back.

I have been wandering in two countries so far. And who knows, I might end up wandering the world to replace my lost one. And what a loss? An entire homeland is lost now with the family and friends. I've been lately wondering "how can people immigrate and settle down in a new country?" maybe it's the desire to leave that gives them the power to live a normal life.
A couple of months just before the war we were just fine. Yes, we were worried and scared from the unknown fate ahead. Yes, we all went through the boiling and stirring situation of the then approaching war. At least we knew where our fear was coming from.

The war started and ended with the so-called liberation. Oh yes, what a freedom we Iraqis enjoy right now. They say I'm free now to speak my mind out. I'm free to express myself. The important thing I'm free to "criticize the new government". By the way, who can hold his mouth shut and not criticize such a free government? I'm free to say I dislike Al Jaafari's regime. What is the meaning of this freedom? I'm free to choose my own "new party". But what party? The new parties have no ideology, no standpoint. They share the same slogans like "Free Iraq", "Iraq's democracy", "Equality in Iraq". But where is this leading too??? “Where are we going “ as a friend wrote from Baghdad “there is a common look on every face! They all look lost!!

I remember the few months preceding the war, when the whole world experienced their freedom to arrange strikes against the war against Iraq. What freedom? The whole world was against this war and yet such liberty and freedom on the planet couldn't prevent the war. This freedom accomplished nothing.

Whatever, in the new Iraq, the free Iraq, I'm free to say I don't like the new president. I'm free to say it loudly. In such a free country, we are free to say publicly what we want to say. Oh, and this freedom gives the right to other free citizens to disagree with me. Therefore, they are free to attack me, bomb my car and even kill me.

I believe the chaos results from an overdose of freedom.

Freedom lost its meaning.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

You are right there Attawie!
I believe freedom is associated with blood these days but in the wrong way. In the past you get freedom through a lot of bloodshed and now after freedom a lot of blood is being shed! What an irony!

3/22/2006 4:18 PM  
Blogger Jeffrey said...


At Iraqi Bloggers Central, I placed your post next to one from Mohammed at Iraq the Model and I think the two posts offer an interesting contrast in two general views Iraqis have on the current situation in Iraq.

I thank you for your honesty.


3/22/2006 9:56 PM  
Blogger Michomeme said...

هاي اتاوي..
الحرية فقدت معناها الحقيقي.. والكل يعتقد ان الحرية هي فقط لنقد الحكومة او الرئيس او النظام الي يسري في البلد.لكن مع الاسف لم ينتبه الناس الى مساويء هذه الحرية.الكثير من العراقيين تركوا البلد وابتعدوا عن اقاربهم واصدقائهم وتحملوا ايام واوقات صعبة بسبب الحرية الي ضرت البلد وما فادته

وان شاء الله يجي الوقت المناسب والوضع يتحسن وترجعون كلكم


3/23/2006 5:04 PM  
Blogger olivebranch said...

good post Attawie.

You are right in so many ways, but let us watch the future unfold- when can you return to Iraq??? slightly before I can travel there.

in either 3 or 5 years I intend to travel to Iraq if my Iraqi' friends allow me (if it's safe).

By then you can go there too.

Iraq will not change slowly overtime, for that is not Iraqi style. There will be a snap decision and Iraq will be better immediately.

Within years she would rebuild herself as in the thousands of times historical Iraqi' cities had been absolutey demolished in the past.

Ones the decision to fix it all is made, it is as good as done.

3/24/2006 5:36 AM  
Blogger aNarki-13 said...

Ahhh a new post is upon us!

Friend, i know this wil go straight thru, but i'll try it one more time:

"Wait! Dont be so hasty to return.. the Iraq you left, however bad it was, is gone.. it would return, but not before a couple of more years have passed by."

i always say this to my significant other, as she is also far away from home, friends, and past, living in a new world, making a new life for herself..

اللي يضيع ذهب بسوك الذهب يلكاه, بس اللي يضيع وطن.... وين الوطن يلكاه...

from an old beatiful song:

"...he who loses gold, in the gold-market he'll find it, but alas, he who loses a country, where would he find it..."

cheers friend, smile now, you will find your own way, your own home, in the days to come..

3/25/2006 9:15 PM  
Blogger Morbid Smile said...

Hey attawie!

Sorry for my late comment! An overdose of freedom does a lot of horrible things, I guess!! Believe me, it's better that you are not here now. At least you still have that old and lovely picture about our country. Wait untill it comes back like before, and even better, then I will force you to come back! ;)

2003! I loved that year untill the war started. It's our old lives, days and memories! I look at it now and feel that as if it was an old and long dream of a good life that we once had. Now everything is so different, and so hateful ( at least for me)! I long to that old life of us..

By the way, I waited for you online today but you didn't show up! :(


3/28/2006 1:19 AM  
Blogger attawie said...

Thank you for the IBCenter. It is so nice of you to spreadincreas the number of readers to Iraqi bloggers and at the same time draw the image from many prospective.

Michomeme, long time no see.
I don't know why people connect freedom with criticizing the government only. Freedom means to have a decent life and being able to practice many important things that a man need in life.

Glad you're reading my blog. I hope you are fine. I started with my first oil paint. I can't wait to finish it.

No matter what happens there still be hope. Hope to rebuild Iraq, hope to see Iraqis living together like brother just like it was before. Hope for Iraq to gain self-control again. And hope to go back and live their happily ever after.

Great piece of wisdom. I thank you for it. I'll be waiting when the time comes to go back. Please don't forget to tell me.

Morbido.. whenever I’m down and I want to go back I remember your very first words in our very first chats after I left Baghdad. And here you are repeating them "At least you still have that old and lovely picture about our country" I'm holding on to that picture but what we see on TV is just horrible.

2003, it's first couple month, and the early day of March up to the very last moment before we hear the raid alarm… was my best year ever.

Read the new post and you'll know why I wasn't online.

God bless you all.

3/29/2006 12:58 AM  
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