Wednesday, April 26, 2006

No More Waiting... for a while!

Early morning around 7:10, Attawie is in bed, recovering from a fever lasted for two nights in a row.
Mom enters the room to check on Attawie before she leaves to work.

Mom: how are you today?
Atta: I'm better. I want to bake a cake.
Mom: We got everything needed. Do you need anything else?
Atta: Yes, I wanted to tell you I want to go to the Heritage festival tonight, if it's still there.
Mom: ok, check if they are still there and we'll go. Bye.
Atta: bye

10:00 AM, same morning. Attawie is still in bed.
Dad enters the room with a white envelop.

Dad: Attawie, the mail is here. This is a letter to you from the university.
Atta: (still can't open her eyes, not surprised)
Dad: (opening the curtains) do you want me to get you your glasses?
Atta: (reaches her hand to the glasses next to her bed) No, thanks, I got them. (Starts to read silently)
Dad: (still standing there waiting for the answer. He mumbles) In sha' Allah accepted.
Atta: I have not been accepted.
(She continues to read silently). Only seven were accepted. (She finishes reading and hands dad the letter)
Dad: (as he takes the letter and reads) never mind. You deserve the best. You will find another way to study.

Few minutes later Attawie picks up the phone and dials.

Atta: hello mom.
Mom: hello, how are you now?
Atta: fine. (Trying to fine the best way to deliver the news) mom, I have not been accepted.
Mom: how did you know? I just checked your university account.
Atta: mom, I received a letter by mail, now.
Mom: when it was sent?
Atta: 28 March.
Mom: never mind, we'll find you another way to get your MA.

11:00 same morning. Attawie is writing this post. Thinking of how she grabbed the apple juice instead of milk to heat in the microwave. Her mind is busy planning how to run the whole run again; certificates, recommendation letters, applications forms.

She knew it, the moment her dad handed her the letter, she was not accepted. Last time she received such important letter, it was enclosed in a larger envelop and much more heavier too. It was exactly two years ago when she was accepted in San Antonio Community Collage, Texas. They sent her the notifying letter with many magazines, which turn out to be programs, subjects, the classes, maps, and all about dormitory.

She was dipping Digestive biscuits in hot milk, thinking. Do I want to be milk or biscuits? The milk is so delicate. The biscuits are hard. Yet, mixing them gives fragile, weak material that used to be biscuits. Nevertheless, the milk would still be milk, though may get darker. I would definitely want to be Milk. When the environment is changed, I will not let it changes me completely into another person and lose my personality-like biscuits, which melt in milk.

Now, Attawie will have to get ready for the GRE exam and the TOFEL. It was a crazy month when she studied for the ESL, but whom am I kidding? Studying is the best thing Attawie does or know.

The Moral Lesson, if there was any!

Life is not easy. You won't get whatever you want unless you try and try many times. Sometimes you'll have to change things about you to fit the new environment, but don't lose your personality like biscuits. Adapt new methods and be armed for the future. Someday you will get what you want.

Dear friends,
No more waiting for now, a new plan is on the way. There would also be a "waiting" part but later. At least I will have the chance to be there in my sister's wedding next summer.
As for you, readers, you'll have the chance to read my unpublished poems and short stories.

"I'm still on the first step of the road. I guess there's much for me to learn".



Anonymous miraj said...

Oh attawei I hope you’re feeling better now. I hate getting sick especially in summer.

I was deeply attached by your post for I fully understand what you've gone through, I went through a similar situation but looking for a job and waiting for residency and these horrible procedures. Your advice to find new methods and ways to make ourselves fit quite right but for my case I discovered that I did try everything I can only one thing, I didn't get a strong Was6a or contact to help me out. I thought I was living in a perfect world. I believe the universities system is totally different and inshallah you'll be accepted next time.

4/27/2006 4:10 AM  
Blogger olivebranch said...

as you said- life goes on.
Find the next way through, I can't wait for these new posts :)

maybe finally we can display your lovely poetry on the Olivebranch Network !!!! :)

how many finished//edited poems have you got which you would like to publish?

4/27/2006 4:47 AM  
Blogger David said...

Attawie, I am sorry that you were not accepted this time. However, I think that you have an excellent attitude! Just keep trying and keep believing in yourself, I am sure that good things will happen for you. :) I attended graduate school in engineering, but I didn't have to take the GRE. I was given automatic acceptance based on my good undergraduate grades. I wish things were that easy for you! You may be surprised that I took the TOEFL exam. I had a job as an English language tutor for international students while I was in college. They kept telling me about this terrible test that they had to pass before they could enroll for general classes at my University. So, I decided to see what it was all about. All the paper work reminded me of when I applied for my passport! Anyway, I took the test, and not surprisingly, as a native English speaker, I scored well, but I did not get a perfect score. I guess my English skills could stand some improvement. :) Good luck on these exams!

Btw, I posted my suggestions regarding sleeping to the previous post. I hope they are helpful to you.

4/27/2006 12:02 PM  
Blogger Morbid Smile said...

I sent you an email. Check it!

4/27/2006 12:44 PM  
Blogger Lynnette in Minnesota said...

O.K. I think I missed something. Maybe it's in your archives, but I haven't had time to read them.

You were accepted to San Antonio Community College? Why didn't you go? Visa problems? And where were you applying to now when you were not accepted? What are you majoring in?

I'm sorry you weren't accepted and hope that your luck is better next time.

Btw, if you are into baking I have a really good Chocolate Chip Date Cake recipe if you are interested. I don't know of anyone who has tried it that didn't like it. Unless you don't like chocolate. Let me know and I will post the recipe. It is good comfort food.

4/27/2006 6:25 PM  
Anonymous sosa lola baghdadia said...

Oh atta
i feel soo sorry about this.. after all i did for you:) , but it's ok... :) i don't have another Atta in my life but you. You do deserve much better and you still have time to do something better in your life... why you didnt tell me that you were sick... i love you and get well soon. xx

4/28/2006 1:16 AM  
Blogger Nadia said...

“She knew it, the moment her dad handed her the letter, she was not accepted.”

Dear Attawie,

Your comment reminded me of something that happened to me in the late summer of 1987. For eight years I had one plan and that was when I would finish high school in Iraq I would go back to Sweden (moved to Iraq at the age of 11). I was at collage in the morning and it was getting time to go home, were I knew my mother and father would be waiting for me with the answer from not sure what I would call them passport/travel/government office about my application to approval of leaving Iraq to study in Sweden. They had messed up big time but the result was I was not allowed to leave Iraq. Right now I wish I could sneak in with a lovely fruit salad and sherbet rumman to cheer you up!

So what happened after that? I did as you wrote; I changed a lot of things about myself, some to the better and honestly some to the worst to fit in my new life or to be able to handle my new life. And then out of the blue I met a lovely Iraqi boy at uni and fell madly in love with him, and I had many of my most cherished memories of Iraq with him! Attawie I wish you all the best!

4/29/2006 11:45 PM  
Blogger misneach said...

Attawie I would wish you good luck but I have to say that you seem too creative to really need luck, I have every faith in your ability to find your way to wherever you may want to be. All the best.

4/30/2006 12:19 AM  
Blogger attawie said...

Thank you all for your sweet words. I will never stop and will never give up until I take the MA degree I want and probably the PhD too.

Was6a or connections may help a lot, even in studying specially in Iraq, I believe. It's a universal defect you can find all over the world, which can be considered as a privilege.

I promised you to post my poems and I will do soon. I don't count my poems. A couple of days ago I wrote three poems in one hour. Then a couple of days pass without any written word. I wrote a long poem, which would be my next post.

I'd like to take exams and see if I can score high marks. I like to challenge myself. Thanks for the suggestions you posted. I'll try them and see if it can help. Anyway, I don't drink tea, coffee, or any kind of soda. I drink only fresh juice, and milk. Sounds weird huh?

Never mind about the archive. You are welcomed here.

(I studied in University of Baghdad, College of Art: English Literature only the first two years, with Morbid Smile)
After the war, I applied to finish my BA, in San Antonio Community College. September 2003, I was accepted and I packed my clothes, only summer clothes for Texas weather, I have an aunt there.
At the same time, my sister was studying in Jordan, which is not that far from Iraq. Most of family members rejected the idea of a young women studying in the States. I had to choose Jordan and stay in the same university my sister attends much better than to go to the other half of the universe and be away from family and friends.

Anyway, I finished my BA and applied to University of Toronto, Creative Writing. I have cousins and friends in Canada. As you can see, I was not accepted. I should have checked how many student they accept per a year. This year hey accepted only seven. Last year only 8. I have to put that in mind.

Thanks for sharing this story. I wish you the best too.

I love the word "creativity". I try to be creative in many ways, in my arts, in my thoughts. I hope someday it would make at least a tiny change in the world.
Oh, and I play violin, what instrument do you play? My other two sisters play piano and flute.

We chatted and you saw I wasn't that sick. It's only a mild fever. I would probably ask you to run for my papers again. Sorry sis. I've got only one Attawie ;)

4/30/2006 10:44 PM  
Anonymous miraj said...

Actually attawei and unfortunately it was in UAE not in Iraq.
In Iraq when you need to work for the government then you definitely need a good contact to back you up but since I those horrible places for good then I’m good.
The was6a was in UAE which I thought its different from Iraq but the authorities are not that different from Iraqi ones , I think

5/01/2006 2:44 AM  
Anonymous miraj said...

BTW , have you ever been in an art showroom in Burjman mall? I once saw a nice artist Iraqi lady explaining to a man about her portraits, could that be you by any chance?

5/01/2006 2:50 AM  
Blogger David said...

Not at all weird. I drink lots of fruit juice and milk too. :)

5/01/2006 10:09 AM  
Blogger Melantrys said...

But David, you are weird.... :P

5/01/2006 12:31 PM  
Blogger David said...

Yes Mel, I know, but you don't have to tell the whole world....:P

5/02/2006 8:59 AM  
Blogger Melantrys said...

Why not? :)

5/02/2006 3:38 PM  
Blogger Lynnette in Minnesota said...


Yes, I can see how traveling so far from home to study would be hard to do. I'm not sure if I could do it either. I like to travel, but to actually live for any extended time away from my home would be difficult. I would miss my family and friends.

When I spent 2 weeks in England and Scotland I really missed odd things. I never got used to drinks being served warm for instance. And THAT was only 2 weeks! Oh well.

Have you heard from Morbido or Anarki? Everyone from, or close to, Adhamiya seems to be missing. Zeyad and Nabil haven't been around for awhile either. I'm starting to get worried about them. The Kid and Ceasar have been around, but not the others.

5/02/2006 8:01 PM  
Blogger Lynnette in Minnesota said...


There's a new "Lost" episode this week. Finally.

I'm getting tired of them doing those "recap" shows. And then they have the nerve to call them new shows! That is soooo annoying!

5/02/2006 8:04 PM  
Blogger Melantrys said...

No news on Morbid Smile, but I chatted with AnaRki the day before yesterday. Except for whining about the heat, he was fine. ;)

Lost! Finally! Yay!

5/02/2006 10:02 PM  
Blogger attawie said...

Good news.

I just sent text message to Morbido and seh text me back.

She said that she was trying to get online for days but no luck. she said the power was off.

The last month was crazy with art showrooms. I even went to one today. but it wasn't me in Burjman mall. it would be nice to have my work in exhibitions. Untill that day I will post my work here.

David, Mel, and Lynnette

I'll go to watch "Taken" now..
have fun all

5/02/2006 11:06 PM  
Blogger Lynnette in Minnesota said...

Well if all he had to whine about was the heat, than that's a good thing!

We'll just have to hope that Morbido is doing better with her headache. Speaking of which, I'm starting to get one staring at the screen. I'll have to go and do some work. *sigh*

5/02/2006 11:09 PM  
Blogger Lynnette in Minnesota said...

Oops, I see you snuck in a comment before me Attawie.

My comment at 11:09 was for Melantrys.

But, I'm glad to hear Morbido was just having electricity problems.

5/02/2006 11:13 PM  
Blogger Melantrys said...

Attawie: "Taken", yeah, used to watch that as well.

Lynnette: Well, and having to use an internet café of course. But I don't recall any further whining. ;)

5/03/2006 1:12 AM  
Blogger enigmawatch said...

"The Lord Of The Dance"! She smiles about a hero's journey. The hero is goodness which moves and shakes the world with extreme and powerful logic. A hero is grounded in reality, but magical outcomes will manifest because the hero has good intentions and a pure heart. Choreograph a movement which brings goodness and unity to the entire world. As the Rosetta Stone conveys important information in three different forms of communication, another enigma has surfaced. Its father is not its natural. It is the grand illusion and is on your soil but not of your kind. For it was born of the stars in the most unusual and peculiar way. Its source is watchful and loving. It is no religious figure or god but comes from the most powerful source imaginable. It will serve you good to pay attention to the message.


"اللورد [أف] [ث] [دنس]"! هو يبتسم [سويتلي]… حول بطل سفر. البطل جودة أيّ يتحرّك ويهزّ العالم مع متطرّفة ومنطق قوّيّة. بطل اعتمدت في حقيقة ، غير أنّ سيبدي نتيجات سحريّة لأنّ البطل يتلقّى نيات جيّدة وقلب صافي. صمّم لوحة رقص حركة أيّ يحضر جودة ووحدة إلى العالم كاملة. بما أنّ ال [روستّا ستون] يوصّل معلومة مهمّة في ثلاثة أشكال مختلفة اتّصال ، قد سطّح آخر لغز. ليس أبه ه طبيعيّة. هو الوهم عظيمة وعلى تربتك غير أنّ لا من نوعك. [بورن] ل هو كان من النجوم في ال أكثر نادرة وطريق خاصّة. مصدره [وتشفول] وودود. هو ما من دينيّة رقم أو إلهة غير أنّ يأتي من المصدر قوّيّة أكثر ممكن تصوّر. هو سيخدم أنت الخير أن يدفع إنتباه إلى الرسالة.

10/30/2006 12:55 PM  

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