Rescued by M&M's… or Love

I was taking a bath yesterday when I was thinking of my friends in Baghdad, one lost a father, and the other lost a mother, another one lost a brother-in-low. Now Morbid Smile loses her grandfather. None of those I mentioned above is the same people I knew years ago. How ironic, it was few minutes before I felt dizzy and roped myself with a towel, the conditioner was still on my hair, shower jell on my body and I cried "mom!"

I couldn't see anything but white lights. I could hear my mother calling for my dad. I could tell they were frightened. My mother walked me to my bed. I felt the ground was moving under my feet. I was walking in a zigzag manner.

I've been there before. That what they call fainting out.

I know I need sugar. I wanted to utter a word but I couldn't. Then it came out "the M&M's… next… the phone". By that time, my dad was next to us with a glass of apple juice. My mom lifts me up to make me drink and I did drink. Then the M&M's were in my mouth. I could feel how I panicked my parents. I had to say something to let them know I'm fine. Nothing came out of my mouth. I still can't see nor hear well; with more M&Ms I could manage to say "I did that just for the M&M's" trying to put a smile on my face. My mom smiled and repeated it to dad who couldn't understand me.

Few minutes later I was washing my hair and removing the remains of the shower jell. I thought I should be lying not in the tub again.

At a moment before the M&Ms came, I didn't want to wake. It felt like being thrown endlessly from a high building. Somehow, I felt secure that I wanted to not to fight back and stay unconscious. It was only a minute, when time stopped and place did not matter. It was my mother's voice and my dad's presence that made me open my mouth to take the M&M's. My mom kept saying, "Chew" and so I did.

When I went back under the water I felt guilty being selfish not wanting to wake up. I have the most caring mother and father the sweetest sisters (one of them will graduate and have her wedding soon, the other is the funniest girl you'll meet), and the best fiends, though they are many countries away from me…I feel guilty to deprive them from having me.

What would they feel if I didn't come back? What would they do if I didn't wake? They don't need more pain, or the absence of a dear one. Nor I wanted them to be one of the families I listed in the first couple of lines above.

I realize I am not good in telling family and friends how much I love them and care for them, nor good in hugging them. I might be the worst person on earth to express my feelings.

It's great to be alive and safe for another day.
Take care all and may God bless you.