Friday, November 11, 2005


I haven't post for a couple of days. I was a little depressed. Not a little but much. It all happed after the bombing in Jordan. And they say "Troubles never comes singles"

I was watching Harry Potter when my sisters called and said "don't worry, we are fine"

My mom panicked "what happened?"
"We wanted to call u in case you are watching the news"

I turned the TV to watch news and saw the story.

'There were three hotels bombed in Amman". Holidays Inn, in Al Rabia area, was one of them which is few lanes away from our home in Amman.
I don't want to talk politic but it's not easy just to stay silent. There are many things one can think about bombs in Jordan. First, it is located near Iraq, Palestine and "the promised land", and now the situation in Syria. Second, Al Zarqawi is Jordanian. No third. I'll talk no more.

I lived in Jordan two years. I studied. I made friends. I went touring. And they say if you live in a place, drank, ate, when you leave you would consider it home. It's not my home but I had good days and bad days there.
I pity the innocent people who died in the bombing. When I was watching pictures from the scene I thought of the Iraqi people killed everyday. Why they don't show the cities bombed in Iraq everyday. As if the world got used to everyday butcheries in Iraq (or even Palestine) but on the other hand it's not OK if it happens somewhere else.

I was really depressed after I stayed alone at home. I heard bad news of a friend from Haneen. His fiancé broke his heart. That brings beck all the memories. I found out that it's has been exactly a year since I was dumped. Yes, I was dumped after six years engagement. I have to admit it now so I can move on. I spent a year of denial and rejection and convincing myself it's all happen for the best, and that I shouldn't get upset. We should either forgive or forget, or better both, those who treat us with cruelty.

I spent a year of hearing and singing "Feelings", "Cuts like a knife", and all the broken heart songs. Now I won't stop hearing them but I'll just enjoy the tune and the lyric without stuffing it with my own feeling of lost.

Now I'm admitting everything to the whole world. I'm free now and I have to figure out how to find the right way to fulfill my dreams.

I believe that as long as no one knows what I'm going through, or no one knows what's going on my mind, I would be a prisoner of myself and my thoughts.

I realized that after I walked to the lake. Walking and watching how people are marching to their destination I became conscious of the important of freeing the mind and having plans to an aim. But it's impossible to reach the aim with one step so I'll have to struggle in life just like those who made it and reached their goals.


Blogger Morbid Smile said...

Hey girl, I feel really sorry! I didn't mean to make you recall all those painful memories when I talked about our friend's story in my blog! So it's been a year since that happened?! How fast. I still remember it as if it happened to me. I'm sorry again! Don't know what to say, but I think I should not say more here.

11/12/2005 12:12 AM  
Blogger attawie said...

never mind.. without your post I wouldn't realize it has been exactly a year.
I remember the detales as if it was yesterday.
But still half of me feels it has been a life time before.
Thanks for supporting me all these days.

11/12/2005 2:44 PM  
Blogger Morbid Smile said...

Hey, no need to say thanks! You're my best friend :*)

11/13/2005 1:54 AM  

Post a Comment

<< Home