Wednesday, January 24, 2007

My past & My 2007

Some people come into our lives and quickly go…
Some people become friends & stay for a while…
Leaving beautiful footprints on our hearts…
& we are never quite the same, because we have made a good friend!!
Yesterday is history,
Tomorrow a mystery
Today is a gift
That's why it's called present!
Don't remember to remember me BUT remember I remember you.
Stupidity is an endowment, brain is an embellishment & cleverness is unwanted. (It sounded funny when we were teenagers)
These are some of the lines I found in my dairies since 1997 up to 2006. I brought all my dairies from Amman last week. I consider them my treasure. I couldn't part anymore with them. It's my history. I was reading what I've written long ago and remember things that took place during those past years. And I forgot all about them. It was interesting to go though those pages and relive those moments all over again.

Some were childish stuff and songs I liked, drawings and dates I used to know by heart. Other pages were some memories I wrote when I was a rebel and considered myself "too rational to be a teenage girl".

Between those pages I found poems I wrote that expressed my state of mind at that time. I found that I was struggling too hard to know who I was and what I wanted. Surprisingly, today I'm almost someone else who achieved personal goals, though still working on my personality and skills, with all those years, the situations I've been through, the stages I crossed, the cities I lived in, the books I read and many more, deep inside of me I found that little girl still alive and still searching for the answers to those questions "who I'm I?" & "what I want?"

Last month I finished "the Alchemist" in the hope I would know how to follow my dreams to become what I want. Yet here I am writing without knowing where this will lead, hoping to know myself better.

Who I am? What do I want?
The problem is I’m distracted here and there in the name of Talent. Obviously I tend to have artistic characteristics that made my parents aware that they need to provide me with all that needed to develop my talents. I took violin classes since I was 6 years old. Yet I haven't mastered the skills to play professionally on this instrument. In the same musical areas I sang since I was 6 as I was a student at the Music and Ballet School . I recorded songs for children and had some shown on TV. It was fun. Even when I got to college, other friends and I started a band. We had two concerts at the university. Then I was selected to sing & record a song for a Free-smoking environment. I would love to make a band someday but where to find members?

I also took art classes when I was very little and enrolled in many artistic events and exhibitions. Painting, sculpturing and made several ceramic pieces, but I'm not a professional.

Literature, oh literature. I've been reading books and admired writers and wished to write. I ended up with a BA in English literature but I'm not teaching nor using this degree. Though I write bits and pieces, poems and short stories but as if I'm writing to myself. I feel I still lack techniques, let alone linguistic competence. Through out the years I was studying I've pictured myself teaching poetry and drama but I don't find myself contributing to achieve that goal.

We have a proverb in Arabic that says "one with seven skills but whose luck is lost"
I don't know if I lack confidence about what I do or is it boredom & laziness that keeps me jumping from one thing to another.

I'm looking at "My life list to do". First was living healthy, then followed by career goals, degrees I want to obtain, places I want to visit, languages I want to speak, self-challenging stuff, books I want to read, sports to master, and many more other things. To sum it all it consists of 95 things to do, including getting married, have children and own my own house & car*.

I look at the list and there's nothing I want to miss. Reading it after all those years I found out why I'm feeling down these days. Why I'm upset about myself. I wanted to accomplish many things, I expected too much from myself and I have done almost nothing.

From today I'll set a dead line to each group of the 95 things. I'll put those goals in priority order to know where to start from and go ahead to achieve as much as I can. 2007 will be my year of "First time to do…" & "Achievements" (in shaa Allah)

Stuff I like about 2006

• I became an MBA student (which introduced me to a whole new world)
• I worked and knew how does it feel to have your own salary
• My eldest sister got married. (The wedding was WOW & I met many family members and friends I haven't seen for years)
• Still Praying
• Read the Qura'an twice (about to finish the third time but it's a new year:( )
• I traveled all by myself between two countries. (UAE & Jordan)
• I saw Morbid Smile & her mom and sis after three years
• I met the Iraqi bloggers & their friends + Mel.( I'm not in the habit of meeting strangers)
• I saw my three little cousins for the first time. (they live in Germany )
• I went back to the university I graduated from and found my name still on the board with the list of "honoree students" & found out that I was the fourth Top student in the Hashemite Kingdom of Jordanian in a qualification test. wow
• I bought my first digital cam & MP3-flash player with my own money
• My art work was selected to be displayed in exhibitions
• I found my-nursery-school-best friend (wondering why I didn't take his mobile number or at least give him mine?)
• Went to Petra , the Dead See & Ram valley (by that we'll cross 2 things form the list)
• Read books: Victims of a Map, Portrait in Sepia, The Da Vinci Code, The Richest Man in Babylon, Voices in Summer, Harlequin, The Alchemist, (still reading: The 7 habits of highly effective people, Chicken soup series, The Penguin Book of English short stories + the books for MBA)
• Went to Sharjah Natural Museum
• Went to Hussam Al Rassam 's concert (an Iraqi pop singer-wow)
• Went to many picnics and visited places in UAE (khor fakkan: one of the places we've heard about in a famous Syrian series Jameel & Hanaa. It wasn't something big)
• Still a blogger & made new online-friends
• Ate pumpkin-ravioli in an Italian restaurant (I do not recommend it)
• Last month while I was staying with my sisters in Amman , the electricity went off for technical reasons, my grandfather was there. It was a cold night and we all sat around the gasoline heater. That night we sang for a couple of hours, remembering old days of Baghdad , or "nights", during no electricity times.

* I took driving lessons when I was 18 but my sister had an accident and I stopped the lessons. She continues to drive up to now.

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Goodbye 2006