Thursday, December 29, 2005

A Note

Dear Readers,
I have enabled the comments to anyone. This came as an answer to my non-bloggers friends.

I would like to read your comments and would like to know what do you think of what I write.

With my best regards.

Long Ago

Long ago before we were met,
Long before we were born,
A lark told a dove:
"A girl and a boy will be born
To live a life suffering
To be together"
They have never seen each other
But in their dreams.
In reality they pass by each other
And say: I know this face.

Tuesday, December 27, 2005

Blessed or Doomed

Greetings for all.

I've been away from posting regular post and I'm only publishing poems I write, But that doesn't mean I have nothing to say. On the contrary, I have so much to say and I don't know from where to begin. It's definitely won't be politics… it's not my topic. Nor religion… it's a personal relationship between each human and the God. So… as usual it leaves me with the general thoughts that I have about the world.

I was thinking, how any one could tolerate living in Iraq. How people are going on and say we are still alive there???

I was eating my favorite breakfast (pancake) today when we were talking about how it's going on in Iraq and I said something simple that I don't even remember and my mother told me to forget about Baghdad and forget even dreaming of going there.

I can't help it. I can't pretend I don't care what's happening to my country and home-fellows. I can't say it's my homeland and that's it. What homeland is anyway? I understand it's the place where I was born. It's the place where I learned to speak, walk, think and do anything I know. It's the place where I had my best friends. And that's what keeps me thinking of Baghdad…friends, family and those beloved people.

Sometimes I say it's not fair Iraqis are suffering this way. Then it makes me say what is fair in this world?

Thinking of wars and the conflicts all over the world and the natural disasters… which one is better to live under wars with the bullets everywhere, apache flying over our heads, tank wandering our streets… or disasters like floods, earthquakes, or plagues?

I 'felt' four earth- not quakes but secondarily shakes that results from enormous earthquakes- and that made me thank God of the bliss we had in Iraq and being away from all that. But those people who experiment real disasters like in Pakistan, Iran, the States or other places did felt?

Do they think why us? Do they say why nature is angry with us? This might shake many people's faith. (I don't want to add other question

Back to wars- which I was born during one and raised and lived my life during the other- don't we say why us? It's not nature this time. It's others' fault –leaders mainly. One lousy decision and we are all down. Why shouldn't they be punished for their own deeds? Now tell me "Does that lead to faith or blaspheme?"

I'm glad to say people in Iraq are still holding on and have faith even more than ever.

That's the way of the world. We don't know if we are blessed or doomed.

Sometimes it's only one car away to be blessed in the case of car bombing, or a house away and even one minute away to be blessed.

All I have to say now is I pray God bless everyone in Iraq. No one deserve to live a life like this and it's not even a life.

Monday, December 26, 2005

Wishes Vs. Reality

Sometimes I wish I was in someone's dream and that I exist only in his mind. I'm only doing what his sub-conscious mind wants me to do. After the dream is gone I'm only s shadow.

Other times I prefer to be a character in a novel. My deeds are only those invented by the author. After the book is done I'm only words on paper.

Most of the times, I wish if I was a hero in a drama. I laugh and cry, live and die on the stage. After the curtains fall I'm only a doll.

But on earth I live and as much as I take I must give. Therefore, every step is watched and every word is counted to be sentenced on Judgment Day.

Wednesday, December 21, 2005

World of Mine

Can I have a world of mine?
Where no one to disturb my peace of mind.
To go on with my thoughts and reach the line
Where that world of living and the dreams bind.
Having my own sphere I would think
How can I make it perfect with no defect?
I would make it like Plato's Utopia
To enjoy sonnets, music and philosophy
And all the legends of prophets and queens.
But hold on a minute, with whom would I share it?
In this time, these are no one's interest.
So let me go back to the real would and stick
To the silly things that everybody would pick.

Sunday, December 18, 2005

Regret or Forget

I'm not sure if I want to regret or forget.
I don't even know if there's something that I can get
By keeping faith and holding on and having trust.
Do I have to remain like this and say it was my first?
So what! Let it be the first. There's nothing unfit.
It's not shame to fall in love but it would be if I split.
Let it be known I loved someone but it was not my hit
I still can survive and have my own life and never say "that's it".

"As Long as I Think I Exist" !

I say: as long as I exist I must think.

For there were many thwacks

But I my God thank.

For all those people who are fake

They thought they can fool of me make.

But I believe that I can mock,

And make fun of all these folk,

And with all my wit I will hook

See if those people'll be better than a rock.

Thursday, December 15, 2005

Who am I?

"Who am I?" I always scream

"Am I real?" I often ask myself.

Or "Am I just a character in someone's dream?"

"Am I there" I wonder if this life exists at all

"Is there fate" I bet one can never tell.

But down deep in my heart

There was something moving fast

And settled in my mind and told me that

"Up in heaven there's a God.

And of yourself never be proud."

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

My Policy

I haven't written much lately. I realized that when I sent a portfolio of my work with the application form to the University Of Toronto. I read all my previous modest short stories and poems and wondered why I'm not writing these days. I feel numb. I watch the news and I don't know what to feel. Sorry? Is that what should I feel when I find my country is just "headlines" hero. "The situation in Baghdad"… (A number of people) were killed, (another number of people) were injured, (a number of cars) were bombed… butcheries, assassination, devastation, no security and much more.

In a normal conversation with anyone lives in Iraq just asking them "how are you?" you get the reply "still alive!" And then (name someone) died few days ago, (another name) lost his arm in blast near the shop he works in. And don't forget the hallucination about no water, no electricity and other trifle things people around the world take it for granted. I mean only in scary movies you see the power is off. It is a real scary movie Iraqis are living every single minute.

I never wanted to talk politics. Nor even about religion. The first is so confusing and silly that I should leave for those who know the history of the world very well, and those who understand the political beliefs, and not to forget those who seek power and dream of controlling the world, and add to them those who wants personal financial benefits. As for the second matter, religion, I find it a completely personal issue between me and my God, the Creator.

I'm not going to vote. If someone is going to take part in this election (with my respect to many people I know who are going to do so) it means this someone is admitting legitimately to this process, while it's not as long as it's under the occupation forces. I didn't even take a look at the lists nor bothered myself with the false and fake promises they made.

I publish a poem or a thought about the country I still dream of, Iraq. It is a dream indeed to go back to my home, and rest in peace, even if that means I would only be buried there. My feelings to my country are not goods need marketing so others would express sympathy.

I would like to add, most of my posts were written in Baghdad or Jordan. Now I'm editing them for those who would like to read them again. I wrote a short story about a little girl who lived the war. The title is 'Bombed Flowers". I finished editing it and hope to post it soon.

You may wonder now what my policy is. I am saying it out loud and not afraid to admit I'm not good in politics. I read a lot and each time I read about politics principle I say "not bad, good slogans, great solutions for the problems they faced, that time they were right to think so and so". And then bang! A great revolution. And bang! They rule. And another Bang! They turn to be self-conceited dictators arrogant for their beliefs. And the final bang! Next thing you know they turn to be Wanted and hanged to death.

So… does it make any different if we ally this or that. Sooner or latter someone will die and lose, the other wins and rule for a while and then dangled. My policy for now is just to watch and see how it will end. Hoping I would be alive to see that day. It's not that I will side with those who win as if someone watching a football match and confused whom to choose, when the game is over would say "yea, I'm with Real Madrid". First of all they are not two teams. They are many and none of them is a REAL team. Each one is trying to obtain a chair.

Technically my policy is no politics at all.

I have to question if any of you, blogs readers, read by chance the Iraqi new character "Shallash"? I'm sure if you search on google you'll find something about him. I believe this is a new literary folk genre. Believe it or not his satire is going somewhere. Such thoughtful, simple ideas can change the world, hopefully for the better.

Greetings for all.

Sunday, December 11, 2005

Our eyes

Eyes full of tears
Tears carried with pain
Pain of old memories
Memories about sweet dreams
Dreams that had hopes
Hopes of living in peace.
Peace full of blood
Blood of innocent people
People living ordinary lives
Lives handled with care
Care about children
Children were you and me.

Saturday, December 10, 2005


How can I put this in words?
How can I paint the image?
When the world is full of wars;
And a man converted into savage.
Some countries are enclosed with walls
And others still can't see the damage.
A long time passes on these wounds
And they won't be cured with just a bandage.
Raise your voice. Appear among the crowd.
We are no longer living in a dark age.
Break the silence; you're not created a coward
Be different, show some change and courage.

Thursday, December 08, 2005

What a BLOG means to me?

B is the blog if you wanted to see.
L is the letter blogs convey.
O is owing inspiration to thee.
G is getting closer to others community.

Blog is the thoughts of someone who wants to flee
Learning from others lives, manners and memory.
Organized ideas to present them to me.
Grouping people to help the world to be free.

Becoming heroes out of your generosity.
Leading simple war against stupidity.
Overcoming obstacles to gain liberty.
Giving the oppressed a sheltered lee.

Blending with others nationality
Landing in places we've never seen.
Overwhelming barrier to increase sanity
Glorifying simple deeds never meant to be.

Bringing real stories from west and east
Loaded up with imaginary beasts.
Observing world's rocking fate.
Gaining power over our deepest doubts.

That what a BLOG needs to be
So I can say:
That what a blog means to me.

This came to me after reading olivebranch's poems about Respect and War.
It started as a challenge for me. Then it turned to be fun. I wrote it few days ago but didn't have time to post it.

I wrote a poem in the same way but I lost it in Baghdad but I wrote inspired by the song (Love: L is for the way you look at me. O is for the only one for me. V is….) I don't really remember the words or the singer's name.
Greetings for all.

Monday, December 05, 2005

Am I Such a Fool to be Treated Like That?

Am I such a fool to be treated like that?
Oh, what's wrong with thy heart, thy soul?
Is it another love doth takes thee and thy trust
From me ya went away and left thy role.

Once you promised to make my days worm,
That we will never part our ways, it's a sin.
But now, it seems, thy feet me will harm
For you took a step in a way my feet are not in.

My life, my love, my every thing is dedicated to you.
So come to me and let it be like an old day.
My heart, my soul, my every minute devoted to you
I'll cherish thy lips. And thy ears what list I say.

If thou need me not and list to leave me as fire,
Then my love, death is what I hope and desire.

I wrote this modest sonnet after I studied sonnets during the second year.

I'm posting it now to please Morbid Smile. It her request.

Some of the words are achaic, I'll add their meaning if there was any demands.

Sunday, December 04, 2005

Tow Days on the Beach

Greetings all,
I had a couple of funny nice days. My family and I wanted to celebrate a long vacation we have now in UAE. It's the National day and they celebrate it in two days and luckily these two days were Thursday and Friday (the official weekend) so… instead we got Saturday and Sunday off. To sum it all we had four days off.

The first two days we were busy with my application so we are left with only two days.

Yesterday we went to Khor Fakkan, a small village situated on the beach. I saw it as a really tiny town. There was only one hotel, one motel, few buildings and blocks of villas with many shops along the roads, and a number of restaurants, and one fuel station.

We drove with mom's cousin's family, the parents and five kids. It took two hours to get there and an hour searching for a place to stay. We were unlucky to find that place as it was a long vacation and most people had probably rent their places months ago.

We didn't swim because the water was muddy and oil-transports were near. Add to it, we didn't see a woman swimming. They were all guys and I was almost the only girl who wasn't covering her hair.

We sat in the park next to the beach and had a picnic there. I walked to the beach and took the kids with me. Then the mothers joined us. Hours later we drove home.

As for today, we went to Jumaira beach in Dubai. It's a way different beach. First because it's in Dubai. Second, they charge per head. Third, it was clean and prepared for swimming. Fourth, there were places were you can barbecue, sit, shower, and play.

We settled near a grill place and then headed to the beach. The feeling of the sands beneath my feet, the cool water, clear sky, smell of the sea and the tiny fish, were most what I liked about this place. It wasn't like any other beach I've been to.

The kids and I tried to build a castle in the sands but as usual we end up making a mound with oysters covering it.

We grilled Kabab, Ticca, ribs, and tomatoes. We swam, ate, had fun, walked a while, played football and left. Then we went to Emirates Mall. It's the newest, largest mall in UAE it has the largest skiing hall in the Middle East. After that we drove home.

I have to draw and paint. I have sculpturing tomorrow. So that will give me an extra day before painting class. I have to paint landscapes. I thought I would do that while we are out but with five lovely kids I couldn't do anything but enjoying my time with them.

I enjoyed these two days but I wished if I had friends here to spend time here. I walked a bit alone and I noticed that there were no families. They were all friends. I wished if I had someone in my age at least.
Haneen, I'm praying for you to get the visa.

My First Real Step

I know I haven't been posting these days, as if it was important to anyone, but I missed posting.

I took another step forward towards my future, whether if it was about my study, career or whatever. I completed everything relating to my application to MA study. I signed, sealed, delivered my application to University of Toronto.

You may be shocked I talk about my studying abroad for so long and I haven't sent it till yesterday. Well, I applied to many universities, most of them the on line application forms, and I paid for many of them but I didn't finish all of those except for San Antonio Community College, which I was approved and I had to attend my BA there and I didn't.

You may think I was a fool getting a scholarship in the state and never attend it. First of all it was few months after the war but for most it was my family who freaked out to send a young lady, which they still call our baby girl, alone to the states. So, just drop the subject and I'll talk about it later.

The reason why I had to make a new application and do everything all over again is that I finally settled to what I want to be. I finally had the courage to make up my mind and say I want to study this. You may wonder what this "finally" field of study that I've chosen could be.

Let me say first I loved literature since I was in high school but when I studied English literature I fell in love with almost every piece I read weather it was a poem, drama, or novel. When I finished my BA and I had to choose what I want to carry one for MA I couldn't decide if I wanted to go for drama or novels, verse or prose, old or contemporary. Then I thought about linguistics and applied linguistics and most of all psycholinguistics. But again I couldn't say what I wanted. Then I had an offer from my uncle to study MA in American studies in Germany. But I didn't have interest in this field all to it the difficulties of studying English in Germany. Then my aunt offered me to study, the field she is studying now, MA in Education. But it is not what I have in mind.

While I was wandering in University of Toronto (UOT) I found CREATIVE WRITING!!! How good it supposed to get for me to say yes I want this?

It didn't take but few minutes to tell my mum I want to study Creative Writing. She was tiered of me. She just wanted me to chose something that I want and be good in. BUT… she looked at me and said:"Do u know what that means?" I said yes, I want to be a writer. Instead of reading and analyzing others writing I write and make others worry about analyzing.

The next step I had to take was to admit to her that I do write poems and some small pieces which I'd never call short stories. She encouraged me and told me to finish the papers. Which she had done most of it!

As any university, I had to send the application and certificates and a letter of intent. This wasn't that easy for most of my professors are in Jordan and I needed two reference letters from two professors. And I needed a letter from my previous university to insure that I studied the four years in English so I won't need any exam like the GRE or the TOEFL.

Then I had to send a portfolio of 25 page of my own work.

My youngest sister helped me from Jordan to do all that. My aunt, in the states, helped me to contact UOT (she called them several times). And here in UAE, mom and I were running to finish all the papers.

I selected 25 pages of what I've been writing these 4 years and then I needed someone to edit me. I sent some of them to one of the professors in Jordan but I didn't get any rely so my mom had to be the EDITOR.

That freaked me out. I used to share many of my friends what I write. I used to publish in the university's journal BUT to share it with mom!! Forget about it. But I had to.

I opened the word page and prepare everything for my mother to read. I put two chairs so we can read them together. But I couldn't do that. I said:"I have to go to the toilet. Read it and tell me what you think".

I went to the bathroom. Stared at myself in the mirror and thought it's one of two, it's either I'll get a few kisses and "well done doughier" phrase OR "forget about it mama".

I was right. It was one of the tow choices and luckily I got the first.

We made few changes, printed the application form and sent the package, transferred the money and got rid of what was burdening our shoulders. The deadline is on Dec. 15th.

Then we went on a trip by tourist train.
We went to Khor Fakkan beach today.
We'll go to Jumaira Beach tomorrow.

I'll tell you all about everything later